Eternal myth and superconsciousness. The intuitive understanding of how and why the world is, all that is seen and unseen, the motivation for this life beyond mere human desire or motivation as a moving forward, a locomotion of sorts, is present and intact when I sit in my room and read Joseph Campbell. My mind and soul standing on the shoulders of this and other giants, perched high on books that reflect that inner, sacred knowledge of what is.
And yet, in the world of preoccupation, the majority of this existence spent in worry - will I make mistakes in the editing this week, can I afford this party, will I get my visa, what will happen with my job, will I get married and have children? much of it spent in ego - if I wear this dress to the party, there will be looks, and that will fill me with confidence, or I think I'll douse myself in some self-tanner tonight, pump up the light bronze of the afternoon.
And back to the books, and the wisdom of the soul, and the battle with how the outer world of things, feelings and impressions possibly fits into the higher leanings. Terra firma is anything but, it is a constant yearning and striving and disappointment and wanting to be elsewhere or not wanting this place to end, or fear that it will. This turmoil gurgles at the surface. And underneath is a peace, that much has already been decided, it is only a weak body and mind reacting to life, as it does, as it always will, until it awakens in death.
There must be some divinity to this existence in forms, in opposites, in carnal desires, or at least a parallel, and not a fight, not a negation of all that is outside of oneself. For separation is a trick of the mind. The bible says,"The kingdom of God is within you," and yet another translation replaces the word 'within' with 'among'.
I suppose the real, burning question is why have we (I, you) not created an outer world that reflects our inner world, our innermost knowing, our superconscious selves, the light of God and truth. Why do we prefer to sit in the darkness? The answer is not mine to know, not now, maybe not ever, but I will certainly pose the question, be it pregnant or be it frail and wanting, the question at the very least opens the door for an answer and perhaps on some small level, redemption or light.
And, yes, I know, we've been here before. Many times. And we'll come back here again. Until, until ... tomorrow's undoing, I suppose, if the word's meaning can be sophomorically dissected. Un-til. Up to a time. Until death do us part. But perhaps not from each other, but from our selves. Our outward, individual, small and sometimes helpless selves. And to the greater energy of the universe, and so the saying could go "Until death do us reunite."
